Due to various High Street purveyors of entertainment failing to keep up with the century of the Fruitbat, I have been able to expand my DVD collection considerably over the past few months. This means I have been viewing a variety of anti-piracy adverts lately, from the scary-techno-music "You wouldn't steal a car" one (which apparently got sued for using the music without permission - oh the irony), to the one which shows a sterotypical "pirate" and a load of VHS tapes (seriously! On a DVD!), whilst telling me that pirates are terrorists (which is quite insulting to famous pirates like Jeanne de Clisson who were cruicial to the English war effort at the time).
This really pisses me off. I don't pirate films or music, and I never have (apart from one time I was forced to borrow a [redacted] CD of don't-ask-don't-tell origin when trying to rebuild my computer, and [redacted] told me that the genuine software which I had paid for and legally owned was "pirated" and refused to install it). So why, as the person who has paid for the goods, am I forced to watch a load of shit accusing me of being a thief, but if I had pirated the goods, I'd probably not? Going to the cinema is just as bad - I pay for my ticket, and have to watch some smarmy sleb-I-don't-recognise simpering at me to say "thank you for not being a criminal".
My plan is simple. When I win the lottery, I am going to open a clothes store in Hollywood, or wherever the ad-executives who dream up these campaigns shop. Security guards will greet potential customers on the door with "Good morning DON'T!STEAL!SHIT!" Furthermore, each item of clothing will only be allowed to be worn in one way. Bought a jumper? You're only allowed to wear it normally. If you want to tie it around your waist, you will have to come back to the store and buy the "tying-around-the-waist" licence. This blouse can only be worn with jeans unless you purchase the "Licence to Skirt".
This would probably cheer me up.