Ferret FIAs (Frequently Incorrect
Assumptions):
Ferrets are rodents
No, they’re not, no more than your
pet cat is a rodent. They are mustelids, like badgers otters and
weasels. Mice are omnivores with nibbling gnawing teeth, whereas
ferrets are carnivores with biting flesh-slicing bone-crunching
teeth. Just like a cat.
What do they eat?
Dried kibble, just like
cat-biscuits (but with a higher protein content if you want to get
technical about it). Also raw eggs, ham, kippers, the contents of
unguarded steak sandwiches, corks, shoes, cream, frogs, bananas,
mice, cat food, bits-of-string-that-taste-nice, slugs, snails, oxtail
soup, strawberries and brussel sprouts. But not horseradish. It
tastes nasty, apparently.
The fourth picture in this article
(warning: Daily Mail link) is a ferret
Not exactly. Not a domestic
ferret, anyway, which is what the article is about. It’s a
Black-footed Ferret, an endangered species native to North America.
It is about as relevant to this article as a picture of a Scottish wildcat is to the story of Boots The Amazing
Stowaway Kitten Who Travelled 500 Miles.
Possibly even less.
But aren’t they wild animals?
No, they’re domesticated, just like
Mog and Hairy Maclary from Donaldson’s Dairy. They’ve been
domesticated for thousands of years, have no sense of fear or
self-preservation, and tend to die quite rapidly when left
unsupervised in the Real World.
They chew though cables
No. At least, not that I’ve
discovered. Rodents and lagomorphs (hey kids: rabbits aren’t
rodents either!) chew cables, but ferrets don’t have nibbling
gnawing teeth (see above). They do unplug cables, shred
the carpet, dig up houseplants, knock over tea, chew shoes, steal
corks, empty cupboards, poop under the bed, sleep in my sock drawer
and attack the cats, but in the ten years I’ve been keeping them
they’ve never chewed through cables.
Do they have freedom to run around the house?
No (see above). They are allowed out of
their cage under close supervision each evening, followed by fifteen
minutes of clearing up afterwards.
They smell, don’t they?
Well, yes, inasmuch as all animals and
humans have a “smell”. It’s not a pungent nasty smell unless
you never empty the litter tray or you startle them. Personally I
find ferret-smell less objectionable than dog-smell or Lynx
body-spray, but your opinion may differ.
Do they bite?
Well, it’s complicated. Ferrets are
very scent-oriented creatures, so if you’ve just eaten a burger or
painted your nails then your hands will smell of food or exciting
paint, which will need Investigating. And the way ferrets Investigate
things is often to pick it up in their mouths. Also, ferrets are
incredibly playful, and a good way of inciting a game is to run up to
your friend and give them a nip of the teeth to get their attention.
Or sometimes a human might be wearing a sock that really MUST be
added to the secret sock stash under the bed, so you pick it up in
your jaws and try and carry it off and wonder why the screaming
starts when you get a mouthful of toe as well.
Ferrets are like any other animal: it depends how well they have been socialised. In the past I’ve owned ferrets which
were 100% guaranteed not to bite, and have confidently left them
being played with by toddlers. I’ve also rehabilitated a mistreated
ferret who had learned that biting any human within reach was a good
survival mechanism. My current crew are not entirely trustworthy
enough to be left alone with a child, but with supervision they’re
fine. They’ll never exactly bite, but they may just give an entirely
predictable (if you know what to look out for) sharp nip every now and
again. But it’s never malicious, just curious.
Are you sure they’re not rodents?
Yes.
Why do you keep them?
It seemed a good idea at the time.
